For a while, I was feeling pretty uninspired. For those who know me, reading those words may certainly be surprising, especially coming from a person as myself (really though), but other than that, I find no other reason for my drastic decrease in blog posts.
The other day, I found myself running on the track after a two-month hiatus where my free time was spent in rehearsals for our school musical. I was listening to music, but then I completely shut it off. Have you ever felt like there was so much noise, and you just needed quiet? That’s exactly what I was experiencing. I just needed quiet. My days had been filled with constant noise, quiet fillers in the form of music, and the hustle and bustle of activity. I just needed time and quiet to hear myself think for once.
One of my thoughts was, “Crystal, why haven’t you blogged in a while?” I realized almost instantly, and almost painfully, “I’m just not inspired.” Needless to say, it was a pretty blah moment and realization, and one that I later processed with one of my closest friends out here. Ironically enough, a couple of days later, one of my dear friends, who is a Country Rep for CRS, sent me an email to check-in and give me an update on potential plans to visit the US. All of a sudden, I was reminded…
I almost lost track of focus. I suppose transition can sometimes do that to a person. It did to me. Development. Relief work. Understanding justice. Finding my role in addressing injustice. Inspiring others to want to do the same. And to work alongside others wanting to serve and give generously of their time, energy, and heart. Not just throwing out theories and sitting back listening to blanket statements that provide temporary explanation, but rather, I desire to get to the root of that which needs change in the world. There’s no time to waste. Really. There’s no more time to procrastinate, or sit back and wait for this passion to take action. It’s up to me.
I then thought to myself, “Dang. If my friend who is seeking to establish peace and reconciliation on the front lines of conflict-torn territories has time to send me a personal email, I have no excuses to put off anything!” How that connects, I don’t know. But I suppose when you’re inspired by a special individual, any communication with that person immediately evokes even more inspiration. And action.
I suppose you can say I am on my way back to putting running shoes on my passions. Working for the poor and the marginalized, and remembering the interconnectedness of each one of us. I am looking forward to learning more about international development. I feel like it’s the best way that I can try to make sense of things and try to understand why systems work the way they do in our world. I don’t want to limit my abilities or my knowledge simply because my life looks different now… Northern California. Not international. Working in education. Not in rural communities. Job. No longer full-time missioner. I am looking forward to working with new communities, discovering new gifts, uncovering old talents, and seeing how all of that goodness will be a part of the springboard which jumps me with glee back onto the swing of new life.
I guess this can be exciting. It’s about time.