“I can only promise that as I continue to figure out who I am and discover the peace and happiness in my life that was missing for so long, I will continue to heal.”
this sentence really struck me, as i read through some letters that one of the students at the school shared with me. she’s writing a book – a mere approximate 36 pages, consisting of letters. these letters though, are not just letters. they are feelings and they are emotions that i could recall from growing up myself. being raised out of a divorced family, being the youngest child in the family, seeking to find God, trying to find happiness, and searching for the peace that i knew lingered out there, but didn’t know where i could find it…i feel the connection. the fact that she can freely share her life with me, and the fact that she would demand that i read it, so that i can then proofread it, so that she can give me a copy as soon as i leave cabrini…i had to run to the bathroom to get some tissues. i remember that part. it then was followed by a, “girl, we will need to finish this tomorrow. too much for one day! go to class. ” she understood though. let the emotions run.
sister dianne and sister james told me yesterday in a brief stop-by in the kitchen, as i was running out to mass, that the missionary lifestyle is not easy. i could not have agreed with that more. i think it’s the whole, not exactly knowing when you will be transferred part, but also the whole, knowing when you will be transferred to your next mission part, and leaving your loved ones/friends/companions behind part. even more than that, it’s the whole, maintaining relationships and reflecting on the past moments shared part. it’s not easy. maybe difficult, even.
and then there’s the whole, how, and when to begin the process of debriefing my time here in new york part. two of the students shared with me though and it was funny how they reminded me though, that, i got to build such close relationships with the students here. one of the students was like, “miss, it would have been ten times worse if we could not wait for you to leave, but instead, it’s the opposite. we don’t want you to go!” and i suppose, you know, that’s awesome. i DID build great relationships here, and more and more of the students’ vulnerabilities are coming out – especially seniors, in expressing their surprising reality of sadness and bittersweetness to leaving high school. with every end, comes new beginnings.
and really though, i think it is just so great that the holy spirit is everywhere in our midst. thank God for that.
more endings and processing, and ramblings on endings and processing, and transition lamentations, and transition joys, and tears of bittersweetness, and excitement, and goodness, and God-filled moments, and inspired words on mission, and love, and being sent forth, to come.
yup – let’s do this. 🙂