desire, discern, decide…

desire, discern, decide…


i feel like i always begin or at least mention in the beginning how i don’t even know where to begin, or how i apologize for not updating more often…but really, that’s the case. things have started to pick up and to be honest, i have spent a lot of my time in internal contemplation and reflection, which is a very good thing.

i have about an hour to reflect every morning around 6:45amish, as i get on the subway, only to commute an hour to the high school. to help calm my nerves and start the day off in a prayerful way, i have been listening to the chaplet of the divine mercy in song – it’s a beautiful prayer, and when it’s put to song, it is even better. michelle and i would split my headphones, just so that we can help ease the travel a little bit…the best is when we would be singing the prayer aloud, and people on the subway would just stare. but, welp! that’s what it is…

it is unfortunate when we get on the subway and we end up standing for half the time, but you know, it’s ok. we all have our days. there was this one moment that sticks out in my mind (i think thursday)…there was this man who looked quite unkempt, and unfortunately i rode him off because he reeked of alcohol, and sorry, i do not want to be around that. it’s just plain sketchy…and then i finally got a seat, and he got a seat and sat right across from me. it wasn’t until i looked at him directly in the face and noticed his cap…I
i started singing at my church this morning – i had my first choir rehearsal!! woohooo!!! it was awesome! and then my sister ended up coming to mass! so that was a great surprise, and we got lunch..and then i met up with mary, because we are going to do a 19th Annotation of Ignatian Spirtuality…so basically, we meet with a spiritual director (that we are paired up with) every week, and we go through spiritual direction, more specifically, rooted in ignatian spirituality. what’s great about it, is the commitment – which may also be a challenge, but a good one…basically every day i have to commit to about 45-1 hour of praying on a specific scripture or a specific intention, whatever my spiritual director and i decide…and then we meet up about once a week to discuss how it is going for me…so it’s going to be great…this is obviously a huge focus for me – growing in my spiritual life, so since i am out here in new york, this is going to be a great tool and a great journey for me to embark on…it will be challenging, i am aware of that, but i must do it, as it will indeed be a priority. πŸ™‚ this will be from mid-october to june. gotta love it πŸ™‚

there are now 6 sisters in the house with me, and then michelle and mary and i, so there are 9 of us here. ah i wish i could articulate the least bit to you how great it is to live with these sisters. each of them bring something so joyous and so unique to the community, that they really serve as a breath of fresh air, especially on days like today where i was running around from place to place. after the workshops on ignatian spirituality, i actually ended up hitting up another parish on the upper west side to see the ministry over there…it was good music, and it was kinda a lively congregation, but what was unfortunate, was the lighting…if lighting is bad, i fall asleep, and therefore, not good for crystal. and it was hot. but it was a nice parish overall.

lately i have been thinking of st. monica’s A LOT. that’s actually what i spent a big chunk of today thinking about…how i really truly miss the young adult ministry there, and how i miss that i’m missing out on all the goodness that is going on on California Ave. and how i miss all the hugs from all of my “older than me” mentors. ah i miss them and love them so much…but for some reason, God took me out, and placed me here…and i am helping to build my community here. it’s good, i just miss st. monica’s a lot. πŸ™ wow. for real. ah how blessed i am that i was able to experience something like that…where God takes me this year, who knows, but it has already been quite the journey!

as a campus minister at the high school, i have had a small little glimpse of the students there, and i am beginning to see how different my high school experience and life is from these girls. it’s great in that i get to play an active role in ministering and serving as a role model and listener to anything they need…i recently saw my sales skills really come out as i was giving brief overviews of the campus ministry center to the new students…i caught myself talking with my hands, and using hand motions, and right after, i was like, was i just selling a coupon machine…but nope – i was selling ministry and reasons why they should get involved. haha! so good. πŸ™‚ something i am passionate about, and something i am excited to see the outcomes with!

i had mr. softee the other day – a cone dipped in sprinkles. and i thought of GP. ahh i miss that girl. and angela…i miss her too…poop.

my mom sent me some winter clothes, so i’m happy to have my uggs and my boots again. and my coats and my banana republic wear…AND she sent me my yoga mat and towel and bag!!! woohoo!!!! love love love it!! so good!!! living simply. don’t worry about it…:)

i guess in a nutshell…life as a missioner is new and different every day. you talk to people, especially those of the xy kind and throw out the fact that you are a missionary – and boom. you are able to throw them out of the “potential to hang out with” running, just like THAT.

i have no idea who i am going to meet each day, i have no idea who i will see on the subway, and no, i am not living the typical new york life where i can go in and out as i please until all hours of the night/early morning…but i am ok with that. i have been missioned here, and i am going to do the best i can, and see where God leads me, as i am, because that is all i am.

Love doesn’t make the world go ’round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. β€”Carol Burnett


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